‘My life sucks and I can’t help it. It’s just that my parents did a really bad job at raising me since they always put my siblings first. Then, at school I always got the worst teachers and they would never let me express my true potential. I had some friends, but they let me down very often, so I never really felt I could count on them either. When I went to college, I studied something I didn’t like and I never actually managed to settle because of that. Then I met my boyfriend and life was actually good for a while. Until he cheated on me. Now, I can’t find a job because there’s the economic crisis and, since I don’t have the right papers or connections, it’ll probably be pretty hard to find a good job any time soon. Basically, my life sucks and I really can’t do anything about it.’
OK, maybe I exaggerated a little bit here, but this story, or parts of it, I hear pretty often. And it drains the life out of me. People with an outlook on life like this, put all the blame for their unhappiness, unsuccessfulness and un-everything on the world and the people in it. They take no responsibility whatsoever for themselves and actually let life happen to them. They seem to be victims of the horrors that life throws at them – and try to get sympathy for it too.
I always wonder how these people manage to get through their days in the first place. I mean, waking up and seeing dark clouds everywhere, only finding half empty glasses and focusing on the worst, which is of course yet to come, would make me want to stay in bed and not face any of it at all. But then again, that would cause your boss to start yelling at you, your partner to start nagging and your friends to call you boring – so it’s better to go for the least horrible option and just face the day. Or something like that.
What if none of it has to do with what actually happens to you, but with your perspective? Wayne Dyer once said: ‘If you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change’. And I couldn’t agree more.
Of course, it doesn’t help if your parents told you that the world is a scary place, that your friends used you for their pranks or that you found your first sweetheart humping someone else – BUT, and this is the hard part, you were there all the time. It’s you who decides to see the world through your parents’ eyes, it’s you who let your friends play those pranks and it was you who didn’t show yourself completely to be enough for your partner. This might sound harsh, but it’s all about taking responsibility.
You are responsible for yourself, for your own life and for your own happiness.
The world, the people and your perspective will change once you fully understand that only you are responsible for yourself, for your own life and for your own happiness. This major shift means that you take your life into your own hands and stop giving your power away. Because that’s exactly what you’ve been doing while blaming the world for your misery.
And of course bad stuff will continue to happen too. I’m not saying that you’ll find some fairytale land where the sun’s always shining and you start farting butterflies. No, it’s about seeing that during the bad times, you are responsible for dealing with those too – and not merely surrendering to their weight. This means that you take the time to cry through your breakup, call that friend to ask for help and work on yourself before ending up in the arms of another unsuitable partner.
So, I’m sorry, but I’ve got some bad news for you: if you decide to not take your responsibility, which don’t get me wrong, is WAY easier than taking your responsibility, then life will never, ever get any easier, more satisfying or happier. Because you won’t have done anything to make it so. And that ladies and gentlemen, is how the cookie crumbles.
Would you like to get out of your negativity spiral and start taking your life into your own hands? Why not try coaching? It generates awareness, which helps you to take responsibility and, eventually, to come up with practical steps that will simply make your life better. Find out more about it during a first free consultation, which you can book here.