It’s like saying: “I first need to believe in myself before I do anything at all. And since I don’t believe in myself I’ll just stay stuck.” That is creating an excuse, a block that doesn’t need to be there – at all.
And what does it mean to believe in yourself anyway? To know that you’ll do something perfectly? That you won’t fail? That you’ll wow the crowds for sure? That you know you can and will definitely do it? Well, then, what happens when you f*ck up? Then you believed in yourself, but didn’t make it happen, so you suffer twice because you can’t trust your own beliefs and you did a crappy job as well.
And who really believes in themselves anyway? Even the biggest superstars get stage fright, vomit or get panic attacks before performing. Yes, they’re geniuses but they also massively doubt themselves, no matter the amount of Oscars, the awards or the praise, like it says in this article.
Our minds tend to be wired for criticism and for not believing we can really do anything. It makes sense if you think about it, because its only job is to keep us safe, so it makes us believe that doing something scary, something out of the ordinary that could possibly get us killed, is dangerous. It will do anything to prevent us from venturing out there by telling us we can’t do it in the first place.
Not believing in ourselves is actually pretty normal. And so, wanting to believe in ourselves before taking any action is like waiting for the sky to fall before moving forward.
So, maybe now you go: “Thank you for ruining my believing in myself practice, Sophie. What do I do instead…?”
Rather than wanting and trying to believe in yourself (and risking feeling bad about not believing in yourself), try to just be there for yourself. Be there on that terrifying way out of your comfort zone. Be there for yourself when you try, even when you don’t believe in yourself. Be there for yourself when you fall. Be there for yourself and pick yourself up again and try again. And again. And again. Until you’re actually doing it.
And then maybe, you’ll actually believe in yourself, because you’ll see yourself doing it. But that wasn’t the main purpose of your actions, the purpose was to stay true to your values and go for your desires no matter what – whether you believe in yourself or not.
You can only do something when you’re there for yourself all the way, not just when you believe in yourself.
This practice is called self-compassion. It’s being your own best friend, your own number one fan, that loyal fan that doesn’t switch favourite clubs when the team lose a match. It’s that fan that’s there day in day out, watching from the side-lines, rain or shine, low or high season. Always. Because he’s got his favourite team etched into his heart.
He loves his team so much that he will do anything to defend them, when others talk badly about them, when they spit on them, say that they’re weak, suck ass and are doing a bad job. No, he’s there always and supports them through all the hardships, on their way to the top.
And he knows what they’re capable of because he’s seen them play, they’ve come out to show their skills and even if the road is long, full of challenges and the battle hard, they keep on fighting. Because sometimes it isn’t so much about being the best, it’s about showing up, being determined to climb, to learn and to get better.
It’s about starting somewhere. Having a fan there to support them on their way is one of the biggest reasons why athletes come out to play in the first place. It’s the constant, unconditional support that keeps them going.
So, instead of believing in yourself, try being there for yourself at the very beginning and support yourself towards the next step, the next match, the next competition and then one day you’ll look back and go: hey, I believe in myself, because I’ve actually seen myself do it. It will be your new normal because you’ll simply be looking at the truth. Seeing is believing. So, make sure you give your inner fan something to look at by going for it, no matter where you’re at now.
If you’re interested in learning how to go for your dreams even when you’re full of self-doubt, anxiety and fear, take a look at my programme Take the Leap. I’ve outlined all the steps that have helped me move out of my comfort zone towards my personal dreams regardless of these “negative emotions.”
I’ve actually overcome anxiety disorder by using these techniques.
These essential steps have allowed me to break up with my partner of six years, to move from Holland to Italy, to set up my own business, to move into my dream house in Florence, all without knowing how and if it would even work out, but I did it anyway, because I was determined to make it happen. I know I always have myself to fall back on whatever happens and that’s actually why I make it happen, again and again and again. And yes, I now do believe in myself because I know I can do it – simply because I am actually doing it.
If I can do it, you can do it. Check out my programme here. And if you get it now you’ll even get it at half price since I love rewarding fast-action takers.
What excuses do you have left for yourself now? I thought so. Just go and Do. It.
Love & courage,