“Doubt kills more dreams than failure ever will.”
I could stop here. Leave you with this message. But had I read this while I was still imprisoned by my anxiety disorder, I would’ve thought: “Great, wonderful, another quote that rings true, but HOW do I get rid of the self-doubt so I can start going for my dream – or start living a normal life in the first place…?”
Well, you can’t get rid of it. At least, not entirely. Sorry for the anti-climax.
Let me explain why I’ve just willingly shattered your dreams of a self-doubt free life to pieces. Because wanting your self-doubt to be gone before you can start moving is exactly what is holding you back. It’s not so much the self-doubt, the anxiety, the fear, the discomfort of moving out of your uncomfortable comfort zone; it’s believing that you need to be a 100% ready, super self-confident and feel like superwoman before you actually take the leap.
It’s taking the leap in itself that helps you get there. It’s diving in without knowing what will happen next but trusting your wings, the Universe and the fact that you are supposed to do this – no matter what – that will get you to the other side.
Dare to fail. You won’t.
Or maybe something goes differently than you expected, but at least you’re moving in the direction of your dream – and once you’re moving, you won’t go back. You won’t be able to. You’ve set the wheels in motion and yes, maybe you’ll hit a roadblock, need to make a U-turn or go left where you wanted to go right, but at least you’re on your way. You’ve created momentum and once you’ve done that, your doubts and fears will have so much less space to keep you stuck.
“What you pay attention to grows.”
So, are you going to nurture your worries by sitting and staring at them, turning them over in your mind until they’ve become big, scary monsters that seem so real they even take your breath away by just thinking of them? Or are you going to focus on your desired outcome and ask yourself the right questions?
“How am I going to make this happen?” “Who can help me get there?” “What is my next step?” “What other options are there?” “What if I did make it happen, what will I have done to make it so?” “How can I make it work?” “What kind of woman do I need to become to get there?”
Who do you need to be to make it happen?
Focus on the positive outcome, see that in your mind and start walking towards it. Yes, things will go differently, that’s part of the journey. But at least you’re moving. And when those doubts do come up, acknowledge them. Your mind is trying to protect you. Your mind is creating the worst case scenario to keep you safe.
It’s like Negative Nellie who looks for the most extreme outcome in any situation. Negative Nellie is a very scared woman and is also very stuck, unhappy and probably has all sorts of physical problems. Of course she does; they help her not to venture out into the dark woods and find her way to what would light her up and make her happy. Because that would involve taking responsibility for what she actually wants, seeing that she’s not living according to her desires and possibly having to meet challenges that make her feel lost, insecure and like a total loser. SO it makes total sense that she’s trying to protect you.
But listening to her won’t get you anywhere. So what you can do is acknowledge her, but not take her too seriously. You get to drive, she can sit there and talk all she wants, but you are behind the wheel and you decide where to turn next:
Who’s behind the wheel? Your dreams or your fears?
Successful people weren’t already born successful. They just decided to not let doubts stop them and go for their goals no matter what. They are willing to feel the fear, the anxiety and take risks that could leave them homeless, excommunicated or make them feel like a total failure. They are willing to lose it all to get it all.
So, are you willing to lose it all to get it all? Are you willing to go all in to have a chance of winning the jackpot?
It means taking a leap of faith. And in that space between leaping and landing you will feel terrible fear, gut-wrenching anxiety and a sense of total hopelessness. That is part of the price you need to pay to get to the next level. But once you’re willing to pay that price you will hit the jackpot – in whatever form it comes. Sometimes even the jackpot has a different form of what you expected it to be, but the Universe is always giving you exactly what you need.
And then after that jackpot you’ll need to leap again, and again and again. It never stops because you’re constantly evolving and you constantly need to face your fears to get to the next stage. But making this fundamental decision will make you unstoppable.
You need to decide what you will go for: stay put in a mediocre, “OK” life and not feel the discomfort of leaping (yet suffer from the stagnant stuckness you’re going to be staying in for who knows how much longer…), or you decide to lean in, fall and grow wings on your way down. You’ll learn how to fly and then land somewhere new. That’s life, that’s the thrill that will make you feel alive. That’s your ticket to freedom.
Face your fears and take the leap
I’ve written a programme in which I help you face your fears and take the leap towards your own dream. I’m SO proud of it because it includes all the steps that have helped me – and help me even today – to take my personal leaps time and time again.
This is for you if:
– you feel that when you take one step forward, your fears make you go two steps back every frikkin’ time
– your “what ifs?” make you stop in your tracks and have you go around in endless circles.
– you’re so fed up with wasting energy on this never-ending loop that leads to nowhere but more anxiety and self-doubt.
– the boredom you’re living in is slowly sucking the life out of you and can’t wait to change careers, set up your own business, leave your country, your relationship and reinvent yourself.
– you feel scared out of your wits when you start dreaming a little bit too big, but are SO done playing too small.
– you’re ready for your personal renaissance and are ready to become a YES woman who dares to live out loud in every area of her life.
– you’re dying to get the courage to do what you’re most scared of because you know that that’s what will make you feel most fulfilled.
– you want to learn how to deal with self-doubt effectively and not let it stop you anymore once and for all.
– you finally want to take that leap to the life that you just know is possible for you.
This programme will help you live that life that you won’t have any regrets about when you will look back one day….
Read all about Take the Leap here and sign up if you’re ready to say YES to YOUR best possible life. You won’t regret it, I promise.
Love & courage,