It is not what you think it is. It is not shouting “you can do it, you can do it!” at yourself, or having others do that for you. It is not kicking your ass and pushing yourself to go for it. It is not bungee jumping, diving into ice cold water pools or walking on fire.
Yes, all these things can help – temporarily.
If you cheerlead yourself to your success that works great, but when you feel down you don’t even feel like picking up your pom poms, or asking someone else to do that for you. And even if they did, you being in your low mood won’t even allow for their energy to come through.
See, if someone tells you: “you are great!” and you don’t believe that about yourself, they can tell you all they like, but you won’t hear it.
Same goes for having a shocking experience where you jump out of your comfort zone and feel exhilarated because of all the adrenaline. It works – and then you go back to normal life, having to face job interviews, dates with potential new lovers and family holidays. All of a sudden you don’t feel that unstoppable anymore as when you had just jumped out of that plane.
So, what does work?
Well, what I’ve learnt from experience – and what I’ve seen to be the key factor in my clients’ transformation – is self-compassion.
Say what? That’s for sissies.
And that’s what everyone thinks, so let’s keep this scoop between you and me.
I suffered from anxiety disorder for seven years. During those seven years I did everything in my power to get rid of this horrible feeling in the pit of my stomach. It had killed the joyous, upbeat girl I was and it had turned me into a Debby Downer meets weary worrywart. I used to be life of the party, now I was the funeral service.
I tried everything: from reading books to think myself strong, to seeing a psychologist to understand my past, to doing a mindfulness course to keep the anxiety under control. I’m not going to say nothing worked – the separate interventions all helped me a step further – but the game changer was learning how to love myself.
Another icky alarm is ringing in your head right now.
I know, loving yourself sounds vain, egotistical and a little bit too happy-go-lucky Pinterest mood board-ish.
What does it even mean, loving yourself?
Again, let’s see if we can step away from what everyone thinks and see what we can make of this.
Self-love means loving yourself. Baby love means loving your baby. Nothing wrong with loving your baby; so what if you could love yourself as if you were your own baby?
So what if you loved yourself as if you were your own lover?
Still too much?
What if you loved yourself as you would your best friend?
Ah, there we are; that is acceptable.
Well, that’s all there is to it. Stop seeing yourself as your own worst enemy and start seeing yourself as your new BFF.
I know, at the beginning it’s a bit weird. We’re used to kicking ourselves in the butt to make us move forward, to keep every move we make under control to make sure we don’t slump and it’s totally normal to be critical to ourselves because – God forbid – what if we’d be too full of ourselves.
Well, I’d like to propose a different take on this wonderful expression “to be full of yourself.”
What if you were so full of yourself, you wouldn’t need other people’s approval to live life your way?
What if you were so full of yourself, you wouldn’t need that car/home/amount of Facebook likes to feel of value.
What if you were so full of yourself, you wouldn’t need to look like the Instagram chick of the week to feel beautiful.
I can go on and on and on.
You get the picture. When you can give yourself what you need, you won’t need others for that. And this means freedom to be who you really are and to do what you really want.
Do you see how big this is?
If you could love yourself enough to not depend on anyone else, you could turn all your dreams into reality – one after the next.
At least, that’s how it worked out for me. When I got that I had everything within me which I was looking for in things outside of me (read: men, compliments and Facebook likes), I had this massive playing ground called life in front of me all of a sudden.
It didn’t matter anymore what anyone thought, because it only mattered what I thought. And so I started celebrating life in every way I could from that day on.
I came to this point by connecting with myself, with that little scared girl inside that just wanted to feel seen, heard and loved. I did that for myself.
I started changing the way I spoke to myself. I started changing the way I treated myself – and how I let others treat me. I started taking care of all my needs to make sure I was well-replenished at all times and didn’t have to put that job on anyone else. I started listening to my body’s needs and finally started taking into account my high sensitivity seriously. I started embracing my flaws and look them in the eye so they could reveal them for what they really were: my qualities. I started investing in myself with the help of online programmes, coaches and yoga lessons. I started doing what felt good – and what felt good only. I started changing my life for me because I cared for me.
And I felt so good, that I attracted everything I desired into my life: a fulfilling coaching business that allows me to make a difference in the world and to make the amount of money I desire, so that I can live a freedom-based lifestyle, never having to set an alarm clock. I got into the vibration of love through self-love and attracted the love of my life into my life. I have manifested a dream house on top of a hill in the Tuscan countryside – and I’m steadily working towards manifesting my next dreams.
This all happened because I believe in myself, because I feel so self-confident that I dare to take the leap to what makes my heart say YES. Not because I’m telling myself I can do it, but that I’ll be there for myself if I can’t.
I am fine whatever happens and therefore I dare to leap.
By leaping I create success experiences and therefore believe in myself. It all starts with daring to leap in the first place though and that is possible because I know I always have myself to fall back on. I know I am of value, I know I’m loved, I know I matter anyway, so that leaves me space to pursue my dreams instead of fighting my inner demons. See how that works?
I’ve written a programme about this in which I share all the techniques that have gotten me to this point of feeling truly unstoppable. It’s called Take the Leap and it contains the seven fundamental steps that will allow you to choose yourself and chase your dreams.
It gets you clarity on what you really care about, it teaches you self-love and how to become your own BFF, it explains how to not take your critical mind so seriously and how to not let fear be your biggest block anymore, but actually turn it into an empowering travel companion on your way to turning your dream into reality. It explains how manifestation works and what is required to get into the right vibration to attract your desires – and that’s not just making a vision board or repeating your wishes to the wind. It gives you the space to design a practical game plan to actually make your goals tangible and manageable and it allows you to connect to your inner fire and see your life mission in front of your eyes, so you’ll be so determined to just generate the courage and take the leap.
Sounds good? Check it out here – and get a free 30-minute laser coaching session with me as a fast-action taker bonus!
Love & courage,