I love being a housewife.
I love ironing my husband’s shirts.
I love bringing him breakfast in bed.
I love baking bread.
I love cooking healthy meals.
I love taking care of our home.
I love going into town and go to the grocer’s, the butcher’s and the pharmacist’s to buy what we need.
I love taking care of our puppy and training her into a well-behaved dog.
I love taking care of myself and doing yoga or fitness exercises at home.
I love working from home and helping my clients discover their truths and become who they truly are.
I am a housewife at heart – and saying this makes all my system’s alarm bells go off.
I am supposed to be an independent woman who works for her own money and follows her study and career path to be totally self-sufficient. Love is an afterthought.
My actual truth is that love is the centrepiece of my existence.
I’ve just never allowed myself to live that way because I thought it was wrong.
I come from a family where my parents divorced when I was 6, we moved out with my mum and she studied while taking care of her 3 kids. She worked so incredibly hard to be the woman that she is today that I couldn’t but be proud of her. She has her own business and has always been an example of feminine power and that you can be independent from a man, fulfilling your own potential.
And I’m eternally grateful for this example.
I think many women of my age, thirties and up have had this example. While our mothers’ generation was fighting for independence, we were raised with it and saw it as normal. At least, in Holland that is.
What I have learnt while discovering my femininity is that in affirming my independence, I actually never learnt how to be a woman. All women had to be like men to be part of society: they had to work full time, contribute and be independent. And I don’t mean just financially.
In Holland it is expected that men do as much in the household as women. Women are expected to work and study and have a family and be social and do many other things at the same time. Everybody does everything and equality is key. Which is great, but the difference between men and women is sometimes difficult to find.
When a man opens a door to a woman he’s told that she can perfectly handle that herself. When they go out for dinner they “go Dutch” and split the bill. I remember going up to guys when I went out because it would take too long for them to approach me.
I had balls and I wasn’t afraid to show them. In my two past relationships I was the man; I took decisions and took the lead. It was my way of keeping everything under control and not having to seem weak. Because like I wrote here, I thought women were weak.
It was very tiring and there was no space for real exchange because being in my masculine, I wan’t able to receive and the men weren’t able to give, because I’d already done that for them.
I learnt that men show their love by giving to women; when we take that away, what is left for them to do?
This is not to say that they have to do this because we can’t, but if we let them, they will be able to be in their masculine and we will be in our feminine. And that is where a man and a woman come together in a deep soul-connected, balanced relationship.
I learnt this while being with my husband. For those of you thinking: “when did they get married?” We didn’t, but I feel like he’s my husband so I call him that.
My man is a very masculine man. Yes, he’s Italian, no he’s not macho – he’s actually very sensitive and strong. He cares so much about me that he would jump into a fire for me. I know that for a 100%.
This is the love I always craved for, yet never allowed to let in because I didn’t feel I was worth it – and I actually didn’t know how to handle it. I didn’t know how to be in my feminine and freely receive all that love.
I remember dating a guy and him saying: “You’d never iron my shirts.”
I was like: “What do you mean and no, if you can do it yourself, why would I?”
He just nodded, smiling to himself, which showed he was right and I didn’t understand what he was right about.
Turned out he was right: I didn’t know how to take care of a man because I felt it was wrong, weak, unequal, whatever you want to call it to do those kinds of things for a man.
If you can do it yourself, do it yourself.
But what are we together for then?
When I can help you, ironing your shirts, bringing you breakfast, handing you a towel, then why wouldn’t I if I wanted to do it as a sign of my love for you?
Why wouldn’t I let him arrange my car insurance, get me flowers, cook me a marvellous dinner, take me out and pay my drinks and set up the lighting in our home if he wants to do that? Of course I can do all of that by myself. And I have. But what’s the real fun in that? Isn’t sharing in the end what we are here for? Connecting? Exchanging? Helping each other? Loving one another?
I’ve come a long way from rocking my own world and being very good at it to really allowing myself to connect with my one and only truth: love.
So, what if my true desire is to be a housewife, a stay-at-home mum, a woman who puts love and care first?
I feel wrong for wanting this, yet it is what my heart desires.
I have studied, have had three different careers, I have my own work-from-home coaching business and all I want to do now is focus on what makes me truly happy: my relationship.
I feel wrong for it because I’m supposed to be independent. To let love be an extra to your life, not your whole life. I’m supposed to see having children as something you do on the side and to – of course – continue working.
Well, what if I don’t want that? What if I want to dedicate my whole life to my love because I feel my love is my whole life?
What if my love is what fulfils me within my core and allowing that to be true for me is what makes me feel who I really am?
What if having a family is my number one priority and I see that as the most important mission of my life?
What if we have it all wrong and we’re making insignificant things significant and what matters most an afterthought?
Tonight it’s the full moon in Libra, my sign, and it’s about going from Me to We. I’m going to burn my old story, the one that says long-lasting love isn’t possible. I lived that story and it’s now part of my past. I’m going to let it go and burn it under the moon and replace it with a new one: with the story that I have been writing for the past two years with the love of my life. That deep, true, interdependent love is possible and that my prince charming does exist. He actually showed up as a King and I was able to meet him when I learnt how to be a Queen. I have found him and he has found me and together we are living a love that goes against all odds, but we care about nothing else. And that’s exactly why we will do everything in our power to make it last.
What is your truth?
Love & courage,